Dignity? What is this 'dignity' you speak of?
by Skywolf42
Summary: The dwarves are bored. Sky suggests a potentially lewd game they can play. Hilarity and lemons ensue. (To be read separately to the other one-shot Sky appears in.) Yes I know. I write such wonderful summaries. It's inspiring... Blegh. Voyeur!Nori Fili/Sky/Kili


***Begin Author's Note:** My muse is sulking for no discernible reason at the moment and I had this floating around in my head today in place of anything particularly useful *Glares at muse*. Maybe writing it will make the muse happy and he'll feel inclined to give me another little puzzle piece of _Sinful Pleasures, Consuming Darkness_. Enjoy. **End Author's Note***

***Begin Disclaimer: **I do not own anything except my OC. ***End Disclaimer***

"STRIP SPARRING!"

Her companions jumped slightly as Sky suddenly blurted out the unfamiliar word into the long silence which had pervaded the small, excessively bored group of dwarves she was sitting with in their 'camp.' A small fire crackled away merrily, completely at odds with the melancholy mood of those seated around it, fed by bits of broken Rivendell furniture.

Gandalf had given them all a stern talking to after their antics in the elven fountain. Lindir had looked about to burst into hysterics. Sky had been too, only in a more amused manner than the scandalised elf. Thorin had ordered them to sit tight for the next few days they would supposedly need to be there whilst waiting for the 'right moon,' and whilst Sky knew what that meant and was excited at the prospect, the others had no clue what their leader was talking about but had judged it better to just do as he said.

Sky had been staring at the bit of furry chest peeking out of Fili's shirt at the base of his neck and impulsively decided she could kill two birds with one stone, so to speak.

Dori was the first to recover from the shock of her unexpected outburst.

"What was that, Miss Sky? And why did you have to go shouting it at the top of your lungs, eh?"

"If I shouted, Master Dori, believe me you'd know about it," she quipped back before answering. "Has anyone ever played Strip Poker?"

Every single dwarf shook his head, every single dwarf wearing identical 'what-the-fuck-is-she-on' expressions.

Whilst it was true Sky had taken a few sips of the legendarily strong elvish wine, it had indeed been just a few. Four to be exact. She knew because her OCD insisted she take _exactly_ four sips every time she drank from a cup or canteen. She couldn't possibly be tipsy yet. Though she was rather light-headed and quite a bit warmer than she should have been feeling at that moment….

She rubbed her temples and blinked several times to try and ground herself. There was a wonderful bubbling sensation building in her stomach; she felt like throwing herself at the nearest dwarf and kissing him full on the mouth, tongue and all. Which was rather odd as the nearest dwarf was Bombur and whilst she thought him sweet and enjoyed his company, she certainly didn't like him _that_ way. Not even for a tryst.

"Strip Monopoly?"

Headshake.

'_Well of course not you dolt! That game doesn't exist in this world!' _Some little not-yet-tipsy voice of reason remonstrated with her, but the tipsy one leading her on darted around to Reason's side and kicked it off, yelling, _'THIS! IS! ARDA!'_

Those few sips were definitely going to her head. _'Ah well, nothing to be done now except lie in the bed I've made….'_

"Strip _Chess_?'

Headshake…. Except Kili whose head whipped around to look directly at her with an expression hovering somewhere between excitement, scandal, amusement and just a smidgeon of lust.

"Does the word 'strip' mean what I _think_ it means in this context?"

Sky grinned at him. "I think it probably does Kili."

Some of the dwarves started muttering as others froze whilst the full implications of her suggestion started sinking in. Fili had understood mere moments after it had clicked for his brother and leaned around the brunet to stare at her.

"What are the rules?"

She gave him a furtive wink before addressing the entire company, minus Thorin who thankfully hadn't shown up yet.

"We'll go into that hall there," she indicated the sizeable room through the double doors behind them which was left largely unfurnished other than the paintings decorating the walls; possibly an art gallery of some kind. "We'll decide who goes first. Two dwarves at a time fighting in the 'ring.' When one wins, the loser takes off an article of clothing. Then the next round begins with the same two dwarves. This goes on until one or both of you are completely naked."

Silence.

"Alright you can keep your most basic piece of underwear on to cover your junk. Oh and your onesie things don't count."

Crickets and the faint splashing of the gigantic fountain in the distance.

"Oh come on! It'll be fun!"

Dori silently got up and stalked down the balcony steps, pulling a beet-red, stuttering Ori after him. Nori snickered and fished his pipe out of his belongings.

"I'll sit this one out I think. Dori'll never let me 'ear the end of it if I don't."

Dwalin shot him a glare.

"And what makes ye think we're agreein' to this anyway?!"

"Because you're bored and you've never done it before and there's a first time for everything."

It was Sky's turn to receive 'the glare.'

Balin cleared his throat and looked away, the faint tinge of a blush appearing on his cheeks.

"You just want to see us all naked don't you, love?"

Fili seemed to be warming to the idea. His posture had become relaxed again and he was giving her a smirk, his gorgeous moustache braids framing his lips just nicely whilst his ice blue eyes peered up at her from beneath half closed lids.

He was flirting with her.

That, combined with the wine, decided it in her mind.

"Hell yes!" She laughed, feeling bolder than she ever had around them – though that wasn't really saying much – and opened one of the doors leading into said 'ring.'

"After you, _gentlemen._"

Kili chuckled and picked up his sword before striding past her with a wink. Fili looked a little apprehensive but followed close behind, brushing his hand discreetly along her thigh as he went. Sky not-so-discreetly grasped a handful of his buttock and squeezed. He gasped and turned to shoot her an astonished glare.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she simpered mockingly, "Do I require permission to touch the _royal person_?"

He stood there for a moment, the stoic face he usually wore around Thorin now back in place for some indiscernible reason. Then he dragged that glacial stare slowly, calculatingly down then back up her body. She shifted a bit under his scrutiny but otherwise managed to hide her sudden discomfort. She darted a glance over her shoulder to see what was taking the others so long and realised most of them had followed Dori.

Bofur was still on the steps and looked slightly torn, but eventually he left as well.

Nori however was leaning back against the bannister, idly puffing away on his pipe and watching them expectantly. When he noticed her eyes on him he made a shooing motion with one hand.

"Don't let me stop ya. I'm jist spectatin'.'"

She grinned and shot him a conspiratorial wink, which he returned.

Fili huffed and continued on into the hall, Sky trailing after.

This could become a very interesting night indeed.

***Begin Author's Note:** A Fili/Sky/Kili lemon coming up in the next chapter. Remember this is just to encourage my muse to get off his ass again for a bit. I haven't really put any though into it. It's PWP and it's for sexy, humorous fun. As always, please READ AND REVIEW. **End Author's Note***

***Edit* Seriously people, I've had many views since I posted this and so few reviews in ratio. Click the review button at the bottom there if you're on your phone and write something (or if you're on your PC write something then click the review button). It can be as simple as "Good"; "Bad"; "I like it"; "I don't like it." Just say something. Please? I don't even know if everyone is reading it all the way through or giving up in disgust. Tell me! **

**To those who have reviewed, thank you, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU. **


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